I shut all exits.

Because I felt helpless, I felt like putting the phone down.

I felt like putting the phone down so that I can pretend I've nothing to do with this.

Because I know you matter to me, I cannot allow myself to pretend and lie through my teeth or just resist by being silent.

I felt like being quiet because I didn't know what to say, what to do that might help.

Because I do not want you to feel alone in this, I held on to the phone for you said you didn't want to be alone.

But, I was close. I was close to just staying quiet and starting on all the 'it's ok' (when it's not) and eventually, telling you that I need to go and that you message me when you feel all right.

Because, that's what I would have done, relationships ago.

But, I didn't. I held on to the phone and talked to you. I don't know if it made you feel worse. But, I tried to give you suggestions, alternatives, choices. I hoped it helped.

I didn't just hide away, escape from something I know I possibly can't handle, and hung up the phone. For that, I'm proud of myself.

Because, in the face of helplessness, we tend to escape into ourselves instead of staying put.