Delusions bazaar
I was helping out in PL. I don't know why but I was in HweePing's class. She was teaching and I was the shadow teacher. Then, I saw her. Kay. She has come back for a visit. She was all smiles, looking really happy. I looked at her walk past the corridor of the classroom and I couldn't do anything. I was speechless. It felt like a long time since I last saw her.
She came into the classroom and saw me. I managed a smile. Kay was thinner than she used to be. I told her that. In fact, I thought she was too thin. She didn't look right. But, she seemed happy, and pleased that I told her that she was thin. We decided to go out to have an early lunch.
I made sure I could be excused from my work and then, we took a cab out. She suggested going to this new place. I couldn't remember the name of the place. But it was a very posh mall. It's somewhere near to Paragon.
While in the cab, we made small talk. She asked what was new with my life. We tried to update each other. She was studying in US, she said. 2 years course. It was the summer break and she was back for a visit. I asked when she will go back to US, she answered May 7 or 8. I told her that I've not been doing anything really exciting except I go clubbing nowadays, I do tuition as a job and then, she asked if I have been buying any new things recently. I took out a coin pouch from my bag and showed her. I told her Wenn bought that for me from one of her overseas postings. I told her Wenn is based in Shanghai now. I happened to take out my wallet. It's the still the one that she gave me when we were together. For some unknown reason, she seemed pleased.
Then, silence.
Then, she leaned over and kissed me. We kissed. For awhile. We stopped when we reached our destination. The taxi uncle asked if we were lesbians, and told us that it's no big deal to be lesbians. There was no need to be shy.
It turned out that the very posh place was not a restuarant that we were going to have lunch at. It was her house. She moved to this serviced apartment. So, I found myself in her house. Her dad was at home, so was her brother. There was also a maid. I remember someone else in the this dream scene. A mutual friend from PL. But, I couldn't remember who exactly. Her dad was on the phone. He was ordering a birthday cake. But I knew it was not her birthday. It was not for her. In my dream, I remembered her birthday was 26 October. Then, her mum came home. Kay then told me that in the US, she's living with 3 other guys in the same hostel. Her room mates were all straight but knew she's gay.
While in her house, we took some photos. We tried to put up silly poses. The PL friend took for both of us together. She commented that we looked so compatible together. Kay said it was all right. Meaning, not too compatible but just quite compatible.
Then, we left her house. We went to the bus stop nearby to wait for a taxi. We met up with Zie and CJ at the bus stop. At the bus stop, I found out that she was studying Financial Consultant Accounting (wat the hell is that?) in US. I was shocked. I thought she was studying something related to OT or psychology. I asked her why and she couldn't answer. I told her it was ok and she didn't have to think about answering my question. Then, she did something strange. She whispered something in my ear and told me not to think about it when I didn't understand. Her point was, when something has been said and done, one can't just not think about it. She was trying to tell me that when you started someone thinking about something, it's not possible to then, tell him or her not to think about it. Because thought processes have a will of their own.
A cab came by. We hopped on. In the cab, CJ asked her if she ever loved me and if she still does. There was a lot of gesturing. It seemed like CJ didn't want me to know what she was asking. Howver, I knew. But I pretended I wasn't aware. Kay's answer was an analogy to good wines. She said sometimes, even if you know you have a good bottle of wine in hand, you still have to let it go and leave it. Because there is something else that is more important than holding on to that bottle of wine. However, even as you let it go, you hope that when you return, it will not be gone. You hope that it will still be there. However, that also doesn't mean that when you return you would be sure to want to have it back. Because in every new point in time, there is a need for new comparison. It's possible that when you return, there will be other bottles of wine for comparison with the previous bottle.
I listened to all these but I kept quiet.
We dropped Zie at Buangkok and I paid for the cab fare in the end. I said we should try to catch up again a few weeks later before she leaves.
At some point in this dream, she told me a lame joke. Like she used to. I laughed and told her that now the term of being lame is 'lamb chop', not 'lame'. And she laughed. I felt she's trying to tell me, or show me that she's still the same person as she has always been but yet, I knew that's not true. She was not exactly the same.
xxx
It was a very, very long dream. Felt like watching a movie, with a real storyline and so many details. When I woke up, immediately after the dream came to a complete end, I realised it was past 6am.
I miss her so much. I wished that kiss lasted longer. I wished I could hug her and not let her go again.
I switched on my hp, smsed Wenn, Apple, Kyn.
Hauntingly beautiful details of the dream... savour them and hold on to them for as long as possible especially when there's nothing as real in reality to hold onto.
She came into the classroom and saw me. I managed a smile. Kay was thinner than she used to be. I told her that. In fact, I thought she was too thin. She didn't look right. But, she seemed happy, and pleased that I told her that she was thin. We decided to go out to have an early lunch.
I made sure I could be excused from my work and then, we took a cab out. She suggested going to this new place. I couldn't remember the name of the place. But it was a very posh mall. It's somewhere near to Paragon.
While in the cab, we made small talk. She asked what was new with my life. We tried to update each other. She was studying in US, she said. 2 years course. It was the summer break and she was back for a visit. I asked when she will go back to US, she answered May 7 or 8. I told her that I've not been doing anything really exciting except I go clubbing nowadays, I do tuition as a job and then, she asked if I have been buying any new things recently. I took out a coin pouch from my bag and showed her. I told her Wenn bought that for me from one of her overseas postings. I told her Wenn is based in Shanghai now. I happened to take out my wallet. It's the still the one that she gave me when we were together. For some unknown reason, she seemed pleased.
Then, silence.
Then, she leaned over and kissed me. We kissed. For awhile. We stopped when we reached our destination. The taxi uncle asked if we were lesbians, and told us that it's no big deal to be lesbians. There was no need to be shy.
It turned out that the very posh place was not a restuarant that we were going to have lunch at. It was her house. She moved to this serviced apartment. So, I found myself in her house. Her dad was at home, so was her brother. There was also a maid. I remember someone else in the this dream scene. A mutual friend from PL. But, I couldn't remember who exactly. Her dad was on the phone. He was ordering a birthday cake. But I knew it was not her birthday. It was not for her. In my dream, I remembered her birthday was 26 October. Then, her mum came home. Kay then told me that in the US, she's living with 3 other guys in the same hostel. Her room mates were all straight but knew she's gay.
While in her house, we took some photos. We tried to put up silly poses. The PL friend took for both of us together. She commented that we looked so compatible together. Kay said it was all right. Meaning, not too compatible but just quite compatible.
Then, we left her house. We went to the bus stop nearby to wait for a taxi. We met up with Zie and CJ at the bus stop. At the bus stop, I found out that she was studying Financial Consultant Accounting (wat the hell is that?) in US. I was shocked. I thought she was studying something related to OT or psychology. I asked her why and she couldn't answer. I told her it was ok and she didn't have to think about answering my question. Then, she did something strange. She whispered something in my ear and told me not to think about it when I didn't understand. Her point was, when something has been said and done, one can't just not think about it. She was trying to tell me that when you started someone thinking about something, it's not possible to then, tell him or her not to think about it. Because thought processes have a will of their own.
A cab came by. We hopped on. In the cab, CJ asked her if she ever loved me and if she still does. There was a lot of gesturing. It seemed like CJ didn't want me to know what she was asking. Howver, I knew. But I pretended I wasn't aware. Kay's answer was an analogy to good wines. She said sometimes, even if you know you have a good bottle of wine in hand, you still have to let it go and leave it. Because there is something else that is more important than holding on to that bottle of wine. However, even as you let it go, you hope that when you return, it will not be gone. You hope that it will still be there. However, that also doesn't mean that when you return you would be sure to want to have it back. Because in every new point in time, there is a need for new comparison. It's possible that when you return, there will be other bottles of wine for comparison with the previous bottle.
I listened to all these but I kept quiet.
We dropped Zie at Buangkok and I paid for the cab fare in the end. I said we should try to catch up again a few weeks later before she leaves.
At some point in this dream, she told me a lame joke. Like she used to. I laughed and told her that now the term of being lame is 'lamb chop', not 'lame'. And she laughed. I felt she's trying to tell me, or show me that she's still the same person as she has always been but yet, I knew that's not true. She was not exactly the same.
xxx
It was a very, very long dream. Felt like watching a movie, with a real storyline and so many details. When I woke up, immediately after the dream came to a complete end, I realised it was past 6am.
I miss her so much. I wished that kiss lasted longer. I wished I could hug her and not let her go again.
I switched on my hp, smsed Wenn, Apple, Kyn.
Hauntingly beautiful details of the dream... savour them and hold on to them for as long as possible especially when there's nothing as real in reality to hold onto.
